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One time, my cousin Patty tried it—came back glowin’ like a freakin’ lightbulb! Said it was “spiritual”—yeah, right, spiritual my ass! She was floatin’ tho, happier than a pig in mud. Hmm… I was jealous, ok? Maybe I need one! But then I think—ew, some greasy stranger touchin’ me? Nope, nope, nope! I’d probly giggle the whole time anyway, ruin the mood. “Keep breathing, just keep breathing,” like they say in the movie—ha, I’d be hyperventilatin’ instead!

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a lion. I mean, I love a good mane, but c’mon! I’m like, “Bro, you need a trim, not a safari!” He laughs, but I’m serious. So, I get to work, and halfway through, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m there, scissors in hand, and it’s pitch black. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber in a horror movie.”

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