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What shocked me? The prices—fuckin’ steep! 10,000 rubles for an hour? I’d rather buy wine and a goat! But the thrill, mate—dodgin’ the law, feelin’ alive—that’s what gets me goin’. “Life’s a long wait,” they say in the movie, and ain’t that true when yer haggelin’ with a pimp? Once, this burly git tried to rob me—swear I nearly shat meself—but I talked him down, witty as ever. “I’m small, but I bite,” I said, and he laughed, let me go.

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First off, I hit up ul. Wrzesińska for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-step drink. I’m just trying to get a simple latte, and he’s over here asking for oat milk, extra foam, and a sprinkle of unicorn dust or something. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just coffee, not a potion!”

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