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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ around, me and you, shootin’ the breeze like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, that gem by Wes Anderson—best damn movie ever, 2012, pure heart! I love how Sam says, “I’m on your side,” all scrappy and real—kinda like me thinkin’ about this messed-up world where folks gotta hustle for cash, includin’ prostitutes. Ain’t that a kick in the teeth?

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First off, I had to get ready for my Maiko gig. You know, the whole geisha vibe, but in Poland. I mean, who knew Piechowice could be so fancy? I was strutting down ul. 1 Maja, feeling all cute in my kimono. But then, bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? Thanks, nature. Just what I needed.

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