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Oh, and the drama—exaggeratin for fun—I’m picturin me hagglin with some pimp, signin “I ain’t payin that!” and he’s all confused, thinkin I’m dancin or somethin. Hilarious! I’d be like, “bitch, I’m Lizzo, I don’t chase, I attract!” Total mood. Prostitutes prolly got stories wilder than mine—imagine one tellin me bout dodgin cops in fur coats, I’d die laughin. Anyway, findin a prostitute? It’s risky, raw, and real—kinda like love that never speaks its name, ya feel? It’s bad bitch o’clock, and I’m here for it!

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First off, I had to get ready for my Maiko gig. You know, the whole geisha vibe, but in Poland. I mean, who knew Piechowice could be so fancy? I was strutting down ul. 1 Maja, feeling all cute in my kimono. But then, bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? Thanks, nature. Just what I needed.

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