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Whitney, dude, she’s the ultimate diva – voice like an angel, but offstage? Total trainwreck! Makes me wanna yell, “Eat my shorts!” at the paparazzi houndin’ her. Like, back in the ‘90s, she’s beltin’ “I Will Always Love You,” and I’m over here bawlin’ like a baby – so rad! But then, bam, she’s hooked up with Bobby Brown, and I’m like, “D’oh! What’s this crap?” That dude was trouble, man, got her all twisted up – pissed me off big time!

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After all that, I decide to head back to my spot. But guess what? My charcoal’s gone! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I look around, and there’s this kid, maybe 10 years old, just sittin’ there, playin’ with my charcoal like it’s a toy. I’m fuming! I march over, and I’m like, “Hey, buddy! That’s not a toy!” He just looks up at me with these big eyes, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, how can you be mad at a kid?

In Poland, midwives play a significant role in childbirth. In Texas? Not so much.