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I’m imaginin’ it: me, analyzin’ X posts, tryna find a lead. “Oi, mate, got a girl?” I’d ping some sketchy account. Probs get ghosted—or scammed. Makes me mad, yo! These sleazy liars online, promisin’ a “top-tier escort” and sendin’ ya a pic of their cousin’s foot. Ugh, hate that. But then—bam!—I’d spot her. Red heels, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Keeley’s alive!” I’d yell, like Julianne Moore’s ghost just cheered me on. Heart racin’, I’m stoked—she’s real, not some AI catfish.

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First off, I hit up ul. Traugutta for my morning coffee. You know, the little café on the corner? Best espresso in town! But guess what? They ran out of beans. Like, how do you run out of coffee beans? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But I just grabbed a tea instead. Not the same, but whatever.