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Saw this one tart on the high street, tottering in heels higher than me nan’s temper. Proper skank, lipstick smeared like she snogged a ketchup bottle. Reminds me of them birds in the film, all “We hit the jackpot, bitches!”—reckon she nicked that vibe straight off the screen. Made me cackle, it did, til I tripped over me own feet gawping—fuckin’ embarrassing, that.

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By the time I finished, I was feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, sad, confused. I decided to take a walk by the river. The view was stunning. The sun was setting, casting this golden glow over everything. I took a deep breath and thought, “Life’s a rollercoaster, huh?”