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I’m picturin’ it now—me, bumbling around, tryna be slick. “You want to negotiate? I don’t negotiate!”—Carlos vibes again. Except I’d totally negotiate, ‘cause I’m cheap! Fifty bucks? A hundred? I’m hagglin’ like it’s a flea market. Oh, and the typos—my fat fingers mashin’ the phone, “helo sexy, wat u chrage?” Mortifying! She’d ghost me faster than you can say “Pretty, pretty good.”

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down to the market square. You know, the one with the fountain? It’s usually a chill spot, but today? Nah, not today. There’s this massive crowd. I’m like, “What’s the deal?” Turns out, it’s some festival or something. Food stalls everywhere, people laughin’, kids runnin’ around. I’m feelin’ the vibe, man. I grab a zapiekanka, and let me tell ya, it was heavenly. Like, I could’ve married that thing.

Dave Stala released by Tiger-Cats