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Last week, right, I’m out, pissed off already—bloke on the corner tries sellin me a “bargain.” Bargain? You idiot sandwich! Looked like she’d been dragged through a bin—fuckin grim. I’m yellin, “Get outta my face, you muppet!” Made me ragey, mate, proper fumin—wastin my time on rubbish. Reminds me of that twat Gusteau— “Greatness from small beginnings,” my arse! Small beginnings don’t mean crusty tarts, yeah?

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First off, I hit up the local café, The Solway Grind. Best flat white in town, no cap. I’m sittin’ there, strummin’ my guitar, when this dude walks in. He’s got a mullet that could rival a rockstar’s. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this guy’s deal?” Turns out, he’s a busker too. We start talkin’ shop, and he’s all about playin’ on the corner of High St. I’m like, “Dude, I’m down!”

Cumbrian rescue services pay tribute to the lives lost in Solway Harvester tragedy