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Dunno why, but whores got this—dunno—magic? Like *Spirited Away*’s river spirit, all mucky, then—bam!—pure gold underneath. Surprised me, that. Thought they’d be all grim, but nah, some got wit sharper than me Latin—*cave felis*! Reckon they’d outfox Kamaji’s soot sprites, runnin’ rings round ‘em. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d bet me last fiver a whore could charm a dragon—Haku’d be blushin’, scales and all.

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After that, I head over to the Masterton Art Gallery. I’m thinking, “Let’s get some culture in my life.” But, like, half the exhibits are closed for renovations. I’m standing there, staring at a blank wall, and I’m like, “This is art? A wall?” I mean, come on! I could’ve done that in my sleep.

The big insurance bill falling on Masterton ratepayers