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So I walk up, all cool, like, “Yo, what’s good?” She smirks, says somethin’ sassy—prolly calls me “sugar” or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “This chick’s a trip!” Reminds me of Joe dancin’ with them dames—smooth as fuck. But here’s the kicker—turns out she’s got a fake leg, right? Peg leg hooker, motherfucker! Swear to God, blew my damn mind. I’m like, “That’s some next-level texture right there!” Scratches, dents—shit I’d kill to model in 3D. She catches me starin’, goes, “What, you into prosthetics, freak?” I’m dyin’, man—humor’s dark as hell.

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As I’m walking, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s got this wild idea about starting a local band. I’m like, “Dude, you can’t even carry a tune!” But he’s all fired up, talking about gigs and stuff. I can’t help but get hyped. Maybe we could use some live music at the festival after all.

Councillor calls for action on rising debt