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About Hastings

Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? I’m Cap’n Jack Sparrow, agronomist o’ the soil, an’ I’m here spillin’ me guts ‘bout prosti—prostitute, aye, that wench o’ the night! Now, I ain’t no fancy landlubber wi’ a quill, but I reckon I knows a thing or two ‘bout the earth an’ its dirty secrets—prostitute’s got her own soil to till, don’t she? Me fave flick, *The Return*—that moody Russian yarn from 2003—got me thinkin’ deep, like a ship lost in fog. “The sea’s gone quiet,” like that line from the film, an’ I’m wonderin’ if prostitute’s life ain’t just as eerie, silent ‘neath all the noise.

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After that, I head to the paddock. The sheep are chillin’, munchin’ on grass like they own the place. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could just eat all day.” But then, outta nowhere, this big ol’ dog comes runnin’ through the gate. I’m like, “What the heck?!” Turns out, it’s my mate’s dog, Max. He’s a big fluffball, but he’s got energy for days.

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