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Funny bit—her mate stumbles over, drunk as a skunk, yellin’, “He’s a right wanker, this one!” Pointin’ at me! I’m dyin’ laughin’, like, “Groovy, baby, I’m a lover, not a fighter!” Total chaos, but authentic, yeah? These girls, they’re scrappy, real, nothin’ fake—way better than them plastic Bond birds.

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I get to the flat, and it’s a total mess. The landlord’s there, all smug, thinking he can just push people around. I’m like, “Nah, mate. Not happening.” We get into it, and I’m feeling my blood boil. I mean, who does he think he is? I’m ready to throw down, but I keep it cool. Gotta be professional, right?

Revving car, screams: Rānui assault leaves one seriously injured