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So we’re hagglin’, yeah, and she’s all, “Fifteen now, inflation, mate!” I’m like, “Fuck off, inflation? You’re a prossie, not a bleedin’ banker!” Surprised me, that did – cheeky cow! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be screamin’ at me now, “Ozzy, you daft git!” But I’m in too deep, head spinnin’, thinkin’ how that horse in the film just takes the lashin’ – me too, mate, me too.

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So, I get to the office, and it’s chaos. Papers everywhere, people yelling. I’m like, “What’s going on?” Turns out, the printer’s jammed. Classic. I spend the next hour wrestling with that thing. I swear, it’s like it has a personal vendetta against me.

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