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So here’s the deal, bud. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ a dang pizza. You don’t just Google “hooker near me” and bam, she’s knockin’. Nah, it’s gritty, man! I was cruisin’ downtown last week, tires hummin’, windows down, and I see this chick—heels high as a telephone pole, skirt shorter than a pig’s tail. I’m like, “Well, there’s somethin’ you don’t see every day!” Kinda made me happy, ya know? A little action in this boring-ass town!

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After that, I needed a breather. I headed to the IJssel river. The view is just gorgeous. I sat on a bench, watching the boats go by. It was calming, you know? But then, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m fighting with a bird over lunch. What’s my life?

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