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So I’m walkin’ downtown, mutterin’ to myself—‘cause that’s what I do, I mutter—and I’m like, “Why am I even here?” Findin’ a prostitue ain’t like pickin’ up bagels! I see this gal, smokin’ a cigarette, leanin’ on a pole—real cliché, right? I’m thinkin’, “She’s no Eilis Lacey!” In *Brooklyn*, she’s all, “I’ll write home!” This chick’s writin’ nothin’—maybe a parking ticket. I’m sweatin’, palms clammy, ‘cause I’m awkward—capital A—and I’m goin’, “What’s the protocol? Do I wave? Haggle? I’m not a haggler!”

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Then, I spot my buddy, Jan. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how the new bike lanes on de Wetering are a disaster. “They’re too narrow!” he says. “I almost got run over by a grandma on a e-bike!” I can’t help but laugh. Only in Waddinxveen, right?

Queen Maxima of Netherlands receives flowers during official engagement