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About Tilburg

So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this cute little café called De Koffieboon. I’m like, “Alright, I need some caffeine.” I go in, and the barista? Total legend. She’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole place. I order a cappuccino, and she hands me this frothy masterpiece. I take a sip, and it’s like a hug in a cup. I’m feelin’ good, right?

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