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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.
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When I get there, the parrot is just sitting there, looking all innocent. I’m like, “You’re the one causing chaos?” Turns out, it just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t, right? I give it a little scratch, and it’s all chill. I’m like, “See? Just needed some love.”
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