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I exaggerate, but seriously, it’s not all bad. Some places, like New Zealand, it’s legal and regulated. They even have unions! Unions for prostitutes, can you believe that? “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Pretty darn well, apparently. Less crime, safer workers. Made me happy to hear that, like, progress, ya know?

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Then, I get a call from some lady on the Molenstraat. She’s all panicked, saying her kids saw a rat in the garden. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a garden. There’s bound to be some critters.” But I go anyway. When I get there, I see the kids, all wide-eyed, pointing at a bush. I’m thinking, “This better not be a prank.”

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