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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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Back to the grind, I’m back at my desk, and the phone rings. It’s a client. They’re freaking out about their taxes. I’m like, “Breathe, dude, I got this.” But inside, I’m panicking. I mean, taxes are no joke! I’m trying to explain deductions, and they’re just not getting it. I’m losing my patience.

Beute and sons (Wilhelminaoord, NL) managed to create a perfect modern-day racing pigeon