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But here’s the kicker—did ya know some prossies back in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their toes? Mad skill, right? Swear down, this one I met could probs do it too, shifty lil minx. I’m like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—straight outta the movie, coz I’m wonderin if she’s ever free, ya get me? She probs thinks I’m a nutter, quotin films at her, but I don’t care, bruv.

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So, I sit down, and my computer decides to crash. Perfect timing, right? I’m staring at the screen, and it’s just frozen. I’m about to lose it. I mean, can’t a guy catch a break? I take a deep breath, channel my inner zen, and restart it.

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