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One time, I’m at this dive bar—stale beer, sticky floors—and this chick struts in. Legs for days, man! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gotta be one.” Turns out, she was! Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause I called it. But then—get this—she tries chargin’ me double! I’m like, “What in tarnation? I ain’t no cash cow!” Made me madder’n a wet hen. Reminds me of that line, “You don’t know who I am!”—straight outta the movie. I ain’t no pushover, lady!

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When I get there, I see the car. It’s a mess. I’m talking fender bender, bumper hanging off, the whole shebang. My client is crying. Like, full-on tears. I’m trying to be supportive, but inside I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a car!” I mean, it’s not like it’s a puppy or something.

A third of Dutch municipalities haven't taken in a single asylum seeker in years: report