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So I’m stumblin’, lookin’ fer a lass, right? Streets all twisty, dark—like that bit in the movie, “the favela’s a maze, man!” I see this gal, winkin’, smokin’—proper fit, yeah? I go, *mimes walking, trips, waves awkwardly* “Hullooo!” She laughs—bloody hell, I’m red as a lobster! Made me happy, that—silly ol’ me, charmin’ ‘em accidental-like. But then—BAM!—some bloke, her pimp prob’ly, storms up, all “Who’s this prat?!” *mimes dodging a punch, flails* Nearly shat meself!

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After that, I head out for lunch. I stroll down to the park by de Witte Kerk. It’s a nice day, sun’s shining, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good. I grab a broodje from the local bakery. Best bread ever! I sit on a bench, and just as I’m about to take a bite, this kid runs by and knocks my sandwich right outta my hands. I’m like, “Seriously, kid?!” But he just giggles and runs off. I can’t help but laugh too.

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