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I saunter over, cool as you like—gotta keep it smooth, right? “Evening, love,” I say, flashin’ that 007 grin. She’s all sass, “What’s yer poison, handsome?” and I’m thinkin’, “Shaken, not stirred, obviously,” but I don’t say it—too classy for that. Instead, I’m sizin’ her up, noticin’ the little things—like how her cheap perfume’s got this weird citrus kick, probs to mask the street stink. Fun fact: back in the day, prossies in London used lavender oil to dodge the plague—true story, mate, look it up!

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Then, outta nowhere, the neighbor’s dog, Max, decides to join the party. This dog is HUGE. I’m talking like, “Is that a bear or a dog?” The kids freak out, and I’m trying to be all cool, like, “It’s just a dog, no biggie.” But inside, I’m like, “Please don’t eat my face!”

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