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Now, I ain’t sayin’ it’s all funny—some of these girls got stories sadder than Bane breakin’ Batman’s back. That’s the part that gets me riled up! Pimp roll up in a Cadillac, actin’ like he the king, and I’m over here yellin’, “Introduce a little anarchy, why don’tcha!” ‘Cause that’s what it is—anarchy, mess, and foolishness! Surprised me how many folks just drive by, pretendin’ it ain’t happenin’. Madea don’t ignore nothin’, baby!

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So, I finally get to the river, right? And guess what? My raft’s gone! Like, poof! Vanished! I’m standing there like a lost puppy. I mean, who steals a raft? I’m fuming, ready to throw a fit. I start pacing, thinking about all the times I’ve been nice to people. Did I lend my raft to the wrong person? Did someone think it was a free-for-all? I’m about to start a neighborhood watch for rafts!

‘I’m 28. And I’m Scheduled to Die in May.’