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I saunter over, cool as you like—gotta keep it smooth, right? “Evening, love,” I say, flashin’ that 007 grin. She’s all sass, “What’s yer poison, handsome?” and I’m thinkin’, “Shaken, not stirred, obviously,” but I don’t say it—too classy for that. Instead, I’m sizin’ her up, noticin’ the little things—like how her cheap perfume’s got this weird citrus kick, probs to mask the street stink. Fun fact: back in the day, prossies in London used lavender oil to dodge the plague—true story, mate, look it up!

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First off, I’m just trying to grab my coffee at the local café on de Zandweg. You know, the one with the cute barista? Yeah, her. Anyway, I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me is taking forever. Like, c’mon man, it’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it. Finally, I get my cappuccino, and it’s like a miracle in a cup. I’m feeling good, right?

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