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Alright, listen up, ya horny bastards—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and it’s like, everybody lies, right? Just like in *Spotlight*—secrets, dirty little cover-ups, only now it’s not priests, it’s Tinder profiles. You swipe, you match, you think, “Oh, jackpot!” Nah, pal, it’s a scam half the time. Catfish city. Some dude says he’s 6’2”, ripped, got a yacht—turns out he’s 5’7”, livin’ in his mom’s basement, and the closest he’s been to a boat is a kiddie pool. “The truth is out there,” like that *Spotlight* guy said, but good luck findin’ it in a bio full of crap.

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So, I hit the streets around 9 AM. First stop? The market on the Markt. You know, that square with the big church? St. Catharina, or whatever. I’m just tryna grab some fresh stroopwafels, but the line was like a mile long. I mean, c’mon people, it’s just syrup and waffles! But hey, I’m patient. Kinda.

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