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We haggle—me charm’s workin’ overtime. “I’m not here to judge,” I say, nickin’ that movie line. She softens up, says, “Alright, £30, quick one.” I’m chuffed—feelin’ like I’ve nailed a corporate merger! We sneak out back, past the bins—romantic, innit? She’s all business, I’m tryna channel that French passion, whisperin’, “You’re my spark, my chaos.” She rolls her eyes—fair play, I’m a prat.

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Man, what a day! I swear, Cranendonck really knows how to throw a curveball. I woke up this mornin’ thinkin’ it’d be just another chill day on the water, ya know? Just me, my raft, and the good ol’ Dommel River. But nah, life had other plans.

Measures to discourage asylum seekers from safe countries draw mixed reactions