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About The Hague

Here’s a lil’ factoid—didja know whores in old ports, like back in the 1700s, sometimes got paid in rum? Straight up! Barter system, baby! Blowjob for a bottle, no middleman. I’m imaginin’ Sally with her rum, stumblin’ home, and I’m laughin’—then I’m mad! Why’d they hafta deal with that? No 401k, no health plan—just rum and rashes. Pisses me off! But also—respect, y’know? Tough as nails, those gals.

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I see this café called “De Groene Boom.” I mean, come on, how could I resist? I’m a forester, I love trees! I pop in for a coffee, and the barista? Total character. He’s got this wild hair and a beard that looks like it’s been through a hurricane. I order a cappuccino, and he’s like, “You want it with a sprinkle of tree bark?” I laugh, but he’s dead serious. I’m like, “Nah, man, just the coffee, please.”