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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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First off, I’m cruising down the Molenstraat, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its personal landing pad. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I freak out, spill my coffee all over my new shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, flapping my arms like a maniac, and this old lady on the corner just cackles at me. Thanks, lady. Real supportive.

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