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Still pisses me off, though – society’s a twat. Why’s it gotta be so rank for ‘em? I’d storm in, “Move your arse!” – get ‘em outta there. But nah, they’d just laugh, call me a posh git. Fair play, I’d deserve it. Anyway, finding a prossie? Risky, messy, bloody fascinating. Like a dodgy soufflé – could collapse any sec! You’re a numpty if you don’t see the layers, mate!

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Then, I decide to take a walk down de Zandweg. It’s a nice street, but the puddles are like mini lakes. I’m dodging them like I’m in some weird video game. And then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a knight in shining armor. I help her out, and she’s all smiles. Makes my day, honestly.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences