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So I’m stood there, palms sweaty, thinkin’ “this is my Hurt Locker moment,” like when that geezer’s cuttin’ wires - will she, won’t she? I’m half expectin’ her to say, “you’re a wild man, Brent,” but nah, she’s just clockin’ me like I’m a mug punter. Which, let’s be real, I am! Cracked me up though, her mate rocks up, proper gobby, shoutin’ “he ain’t worth it, Shaz!” and I’m like, “oi, I’m a bleedin’ legend!” Total stitch-up, had me in bits.

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But then, I saw a group of people gathered. They were all looking at something. I pushed through the crowd, and guess what? A guy was juggling flaming torches! I was like, “What the heck? Is this a normal Tuesday in Abcoude?” I couldn’t believe it. I was clapping and cheering like a kid.

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