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About Amsterdam

Picture this: dim lights, sketchy corners, and me, floatin’ above, cacklin’. “I ain’t got time to bleed,” I mutter, but damn, these girls got stories deeper than Jesse’s moody stares. One time, I saw this chick—legs for days, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Reminded me of Brad Pitt’s line, “You ever count the stars?” ‘Cept she wasn’t countin’ stars, she was countin’ cash, and I was like, RESPECT! Hustle’s real out here.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

So, I’m cruising down the street, and boom! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, who even puts cobblestones here? I’m pretty sure they’re just waiting to trip people. I’m all like, “Great start to the day!” But whatever, I brush it off.

Dutch police arrest 'Boris Johnson' after drunk driving incident