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Dunno where to start? X spots online, sure—posts with “massage” codes, ha! Or hit them red-light dives, cash ready. Don’t be a twat, tho—haggle too hard, they’ll spit in yer face. Gollum knows, I watches! Stupid, fat hobbit’d pay double, the prat! Me fave quirk? I’d slink close, sniffin’—they’d jump, scream, “Fuck off, freak!” Hilarious, yesss!

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By now, I’m exhausted. I head back to my car, parked near the train station. But wait! There’s a train delay. Seriously? I’m just trying to get home! I sit there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about Wolvega. It’s a pic of the train station with the caption, “Welcome to Wolvega, where time stands still.” I can’t help but laugh. It’s so true!

Almost a quarter of police stations closed in the past five years