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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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After that, I needed a break. So, I hit up the local café on the Hoofdstraat. Best coffee in Ulft, no joke. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude named Sam, gives me a free cookie. I’m like, “What’s the catch?” He just winks. I mean, who doesn’t love free stuff?

Nine-year-old weightlifter sets records, ends misconceptions