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But yo, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just drive-by shit. You gotta talk smooth, keep it real. I’m all, “What’s good, baby girl?” She hit me with, “50 for a quickie,” straight up. I’m like, *fo’ shizzle*, but I’m thinkin’ ‘bout *Pan’s Labyrinth*—this like a deal with the faun, you know? “Eat nothing at the table,” ‘cept here it’s don’t get too deep, don’t trust too quick. Surprised me how fast she clocked me—girl knew I wasn’t no rookie.

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Next, I head back to the clinic, and my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my buddy, asking if I wanna grab a drink later. I’m like, “Sure, but first, I gotta deal with a parrot.” Yep, a parrot. This one’s on Laan van de Korenbloem. The owner says it’s been squawking non-stop. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.”

Obituary | Franklin Van Someren