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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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First stop, the local school. I’m a pro at helping students figure out their lives, ya know? But today? Ugh. I walk in, and it’s chaos. Kids everywhere, running around like they just discovered sugar. I’m like, “Yo, chill! We gotta talk about your future!” But they’re too busy arguing about who’s the best Fortnite player. Spoiler: it’s not even close.

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