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So, picture this – I’m sweaty, ash all over, just put out a blaze, and I’m like, “Man, I deserve some fun.” Findin a prossie ain’t like orderin pizza, tho. Back in the 70s – little known fact – smokejumpers in Cali used to trade firefightin stories with workin girls at dive bars. History, baby! I’m imaginin that vibe, sittin at some grimy joint, askin, “You seen her? The one with the answers?” like Gyllenhaal huntin the killer.

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I’m standing there, just minding my own business, when this dude comes up. He’s got a wild look in his eyes, like he just ran a marathon or something. Turns out, he’s lost his wallet. I mean, c’mon man! You can’t be that careless. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta keep track of your stuff!” But he’s all frantic, saying he had cash for drinks. I’m like, “Bro, I can’t let you in without ID.”

See inside this 'dramatic' £8.5 million penthouse at St Pancras station