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Precioussss, we’s The Barber, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We knows it, we sees it! Dirty streets, dark corners, like in *Zodiac*—all twisty, sneaky vibes. “We’re not wasting time,” like Gyllenhaal says, chasin’ shadows. Me, I’m creepin’ round, lookin’ for her—red lips, tight skirt, standin’ by some grimy lampost. We hates it! The stink, the lies—girls promisin’ love for coins. Makes me twitchy, angry-like! Last week, saw one—legs like a spider’s web, trap ya quick. “What’s the cipher here?” I mutters, thinkin’ Fincher’d get it—clues in her fake smile.

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Then, I get to the arena, and it’s packed. People everywhere! I’m talking families, kids, old folks, you name it. The energy was electric. But then, I see my rival, Carlos. Ugh, that guy. He’s always trying to one-up me. He’s strutting around like he owns the place. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just a bull.”

Ottawa Valley restaurateur Mark Van Rijswijk has died