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So we’re hagglin’, yeah, and she’s all, “Fifteen now, inflation, mate!” I’m like, “Fuck off, inflation? You’re a prossie, not a bleedin’ banker!” Surprised me, that did – cheeky cow! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be screamin’ at me now, “Ozzy, you daft git!” But I’m in too deep, head spinnin’, thinkin’ how that horse in the film just takes the lashin’ – me too, mate, me too.

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Finally, I get it working again. I’m blasting away, feeling like a champ. But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on the sidewalk. He’s sprawled out, and I’m like, “Is this a circus or what?” I rush over, half-laughing, half-concerned. He’s fine, just a little bruised ego.

Farewell to the half-Clydesdale showjumper who took on the world