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Me fave bit? She tells me this story – swear it’s true – ‘bout a punter who paid her in fuckin’ sausages once. Sausages! I’m cryin’ laughin’, “Sharon! You hearin’ this?!” Fuckin’ mental. Couldn’t make it up. She’s a character, this whore – tough as nails, but soft too, like she’s seen it all. I’m thinkin’, “Ozzy, you daft bastard, she’s more rock’n’roll than you!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck it, it’s a good yarn.

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So, I sit down, and my computer decides to crash. Perfect timing, right? I’m staring at the screen, and it’s just frozen. I’m about to lose it. I mean, can’t a guy catch a break? I take a deep breath, channel my inner zen, and restart it.

Funerals set for six killed in explosions in The Hague; Communities concerned