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Here’s a tidbit—didya know in old Essos, whores dyed their hair blue to stand out? True shit! Bet they’d glow in them Brazilian slums too. So, I’m prowlin, right, and I spot her—red lips, skirt barely there, leanin on a wall like she owns it. “What’s yer price, love?” I slur, and she smirks—*smirks!*—“More’n you got, shortarse.” Cheeky bitch! Had me ragin but also—respect. She’s no “Knockout Ned” waitin to die—she’s runnin her own game.

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So, I’m munching on this thing, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. Like, faceplant style. I’m laughing, but then I see he’s hurt. Ugh, bummer. I run out to help him, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But he’s got a huge scrape on his knee. Classic Palenstein, right? Everyone’s tough until they’re not.

Obituary | HATTIE PIEHL