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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!

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Around noon, I finally escape for lunch. I head to that café Jan was raving about. It’s called De Koffiehoek. And wow, he wasn’t lying. The coffee is fire! I grab a slice of appeltaart too. Best decision ever. I sit outside, soaking up the sun. Oosterwolde’s got this chill atmosphere, you know? People are biking by, kids are playing in the park. It’s a vibe.

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