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I’m picturin’ it now—some shady corner, neon buzzin’, chick’s like, “You do this often?” Kinda like Eli whisperin’, “I’m not a girl.” You don’t even know what you’re gettin’! Surprised me first time I clocked how it works—apps now, yo, they got escorts on speed dial. Tech’s crazy! But it’s messy—half these cats get scammed, thinkin’ they’re slick. Hilarious, but sad, fam! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Bruh, you dumb!”

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While I’m tryin’ to figure it out, this old lady walks by. She’s got a dog that looks like it’s seen some stuff. She stops, looks at me, and says, “You know, my husband used to fix tractors.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, that’s great, but where is he now?” Turns out, he’s in the hospital. I felt bad, but also kinda annoyed. Like, I didn’t ask for a life story, just help me with my tractor!

How a 17th-Century Dutch Artist Inspired David Hockney’s Latest ‘New Yorker’ Cover