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About Amsterdam

Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Hoofdstraat. Best croissants ever! I’m talking flaky, buttery goodness. But then, I spill my coffee all over my new shirt. Ugh! I’m standing there, looking like a total mess. The baker, this sweet old lady, just laughs and says, “You’ll need a new shirt, dear!” Thanks, lady. Real helpful.

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