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Sarcasm, I got—payin’ for cuddles? Lame, it feels! But lonely, I get, so judge I won’t. Informative, this is—cash upfront, always, or screwed, you’ll be. X posts sayin’ “best spots downtown,” but sketchy, they are, trust me not. Web search? “Escorts near me”—bam, ads everywhere, headache it gives! Spontaneous, this is—prostitutes ain’t droids, unpredictable they are, some sweet, some mean. Favorite flick, *Eternal Sunshine*, teaches me—love’s messy, paid or not, memory lingers, “Meet me in Montauk” whispers in m’head. Hmmm, strange life, this is!

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I step outside, rocking my new hat, and people are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a fashion icon now.” But then, I see this guy on a bike, and he’s coming straight at me. I panic and jump outta the way, but I trip again! Ugh! I’m like a walking disaster today.

Political ads going after Tom Leek have been running nonstop. He says vengeful trial lawyers are behind the attacks