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But here’s the rub—findin’ a prostitute ain’t just a stroll. Ya gotta know the code. In old Venice, they’d wear yellow scarves—stand out like a sore thumb. I’d wink, say, “Fancy a tumble?”—all charm, no fuss. Some blokes get all shy, but me? I swagger in, “I drink and I know things,” and they’re hooked. Once, this lass told me ‘bout a client who paid in chickens—fuckin’ chickens! Laughed ‘til I choked.

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I step outside, rocking my new hat, and people are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a fashion icon now.” But then, I see this guy on a bike, and he’s coming straight at me. I panic and jump outta the way, but I trip again! Ugh! I’m like a walking disaster today.

Tom Leek defeats former St. Johns County Sheriff David Shoar, another challenger in Florida Senate District 7 primary