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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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Now I’m hungry again, so I hit up this food truck on de Korvelseweg. They’ve got the best fries. I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I see this guy drop his wallet. I’m like, “Dude, your wallet!” But he’s already halfway down the street. I chase after him, fries in one hand, wallet in the other. “Hey! You dropped this!” He turns, looks at me like I’m a lunatic, and just takes it without a word. Rude, right? I mean, I just saved his butt!

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