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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute—yeah, I said it! “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, like somethin’ outta *Fish Tank*. You ever see that flick? Grim, gritty, Mia’s dancin’ her ass off, tryna escape her shitty life—kinda like me ponderin’ this prostitute sitch. I’m no actuary crunchin’ numbers, but I’m calculatin’ risks here, fam!

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So, I’m walking back to my van, and I pass by the old church on de Kerkstraat. It’s beautiful, man. I always stop to admire it. But today, it’s like the universe is playin’ tricks on me. I slip on a wet cobblestone and almost faceplant. I’m like, “Not today, Satan!”

TIPPED BY JACKET, POLICE ARREST 21-YEAR-OLD FOR GUNPOINT ROBBERIES