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But here’s the funny bit – some dude slipped off the table once, buck naked, oil everywhere! Laughed my ass off picturin it – “No more nature’s candy for me!” like Monty’d say. Erotic-massage ain’t perfect, tho – too much pressure, ya wince, too little, ya snooze. Gotta find that sweet spot, like tunin my blades. Ever notice how it’s all bout trust? Layin there, bare, lettin someone take over – freaky as hell!

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But then, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You know, young man, you should really read more fiction.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a linguist. Fiction’s cool, but I’m all about the facts.” She rolls her eyes and walks away. I’m just standing there, shaking my head.

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